What I learned from living with 3 black men in college.

The house in which I lived for most of my college career had four rooms. Roommates graduated and left and new tenants occupied their cleared space. At one point a fellow student at UNCW, Derrick Thompson, moved into a vacant room. Yes, he's black. That summer, after more roommates graduated and moved on to make lives in other cities, Derrick asked two other friends to take up space in our ranch style abode. Enter Keven Brown and Jason Alston. Yes, they're also black.

I learned more about three guys I didn't know much about. We went out. We hung out at home. We helped each other out. We had our disagreements. We got over them. You know, all the things people do together. Sure we had our cultural differences. But the only thing I truly learned was more about three men that I still call friends.

I guess the real reason I decided to write this was to show that we are all people. We all have our idiosyncrasies. We have some differences culturally, but in the end we're all just people. There was nothing to learn about living with people of a different race, nor did I think there would have been.

As I get older and I see the younger generations melding more and not seeming to allow race to become an issue in their lives, it makes me think that maybe things will get better. We are becoming more tolerant as a society, however we're far from equality. Only serious reform is going to help this country.

Maybe nobody reads this. Maybe only tolerant people read this and give it the ole thumbs up. Maybe it pisses somebody off. Who knows. But now I've written it and my hope is that even one person sees it and that person goes on to effect change. Even if it's only on a personal level.

Obligatory HB2 Rant...

Okay, I really try to keep my political beliefs to the minimum of minimums on social media. Occasionally I'll have a friendly chat with a friend over politics, but that's about it. I feel that since I'll be a Charlottean again in just under a month, I can weigh in on this.

I'm not a historian. I'm in no way, shape or form anyone you should listen to about politics or government. I have no experience in the matter, but I do have opinions. I feel I keep a fairly open mind to peoples' opinions, however there are times when I just want to slap a mother fucker and ask, "What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Pat McCrory needs one of these slaps.

For the sake of keeping this post (somewhat) short, I'm only going to discuss the "Bathroom Bill" portion of HB2, mainly because that's what so many people are focused on right now.

Imagine this scenario: A woman walks into a bathroom. She passes another woman as she makes her way to her private stall. They smile at one another in passing. The woman goes into a stall, closes the door, hovers and pees. There is another woman in the stall next to her doing the same thing. She finishes, tidies up, (hopefully) washes her hands and exits the bathroom.

One or both of the women she passed were transexuals. She had no idea. She wasn't molested. She wasn't in danger. She was none the wiser.

Now imagine this scenario: That same woman walks into a bathroom. She passes a man as she makes her way to her private stall. He smiles at her, but she doesn't smile back, because WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A MAN IN THE WOMAN'S BATHROOM!? The woman goes into a stall, closes the door, hovers and pees. There is another man in the stall next to her. But he's not peeing. He's in the women's bathroom to spy on her. How can he get away with this?! Because all he has to do is say that he was born a woman and now he has access to any fucking bathroom he damn well pleases! Maybe he's taking pictures of her from above the stall partition. Maybe he's waiting for a little girl to come in. Who the fuck knows!

McCrory and other narrow minded fuck-sticks will have people believing that  we need to protect our women and children, then passes a law that actually does the exact opposite!

I have a dick. I was born with a dick. I like my dick. I want to keep my dick. I also happen to be straight. I like women. I like boobs. I like vaginas. I like looking at boobs and vaginas. I'm not a piece of shit. However, if I was a piece of shit, I could easily camp out in a women's bathroom and wait for opportune moment to spy on an unsuspecting woman. I could walk right into a women's bathroom and hide out and molest a woman. And all of this would be made easier by HB2.

One of my favorite places to eat in Charlotte is an amazing restaurant called Soul in Plaza Midwood. They have two bathrooms in their establishment. Both are gender neutral. There is a single toilet in each and a lock on the door. This has never been a problem (to my knowledge). Nobody is at risk. You go in, you lock the door and do you your business. Sounds like the perfect set up.

What all of this dumb shit really boils down to is a lack of knowledge about a group of people. A lot of people fear the unknown. Racism tends to come from a lack of association with a particular race of people. One thing I do remember from my history classes is that we must know our past so we can learn from our mistakes. That point was clearly made in almost every history class I took. Apparently, many of our elected officials missed that.

It wasn't long ago that this country was treating Japanese people differently because of the bombing at Pearl Harbor. Or that separate but equal was a fine way of coexisting with black people. It was perfectly acceptable to slander a gay person or to call someone gay as a way of insulting them. And apparently we've learned nothing from that.

I am what a lot of people would consider a "progressive". I welcome it with open arms. People who are not progressive are considered "traditionalists". I see nothing wrong with traditions. Keep your traditions. I'm not trying to take anything away from you. But really, when it comes to making laws that effect citizens of the United States of America, "traditionalist" really just means "scared, straight white people". Straight white men have been running this country and anything that challenges that is scary. Obama scares the shit out of them. Gays are going to corrupt their children! Transgenders are going to molest everyone! Blacks are going to rob them all! Muslims are going to bomb everything! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

In my eyes, a progressive is open to understanding. It's someone who is willing to listen to the unknown and not judge a belief that is different from theirs. You don't have to understand something to accept it, but you should be open to understanding to live a fuller life.

I can go on and on. I can write pages on the people who are supposedly pious and all about family values that are found molesting children or caught up in sex scandals. I can write even further on christians who try to argue that the bible is the word of god (it's not) and that we should structure our government around those ideologies. All I'll say is that this is NOT a christian nation. This is a nation for all people. For everyone to be free. Not just those who our small minded governments choose to be.

You want to make laws based on christianity? Mark 12:31 Love your neighbor as yourself.

Shit Just Got Real! (Let me have my Binkie)

We found a house! Holy fuck! We found a house!

Okay, we're just renting, but this move back to Charlotte is getting more and more real by the day. Yesterday I packed pretty much everything that is not being used in the living room, which includes four boxes of DVDs/Blurays. Yes, we have a problem.

I've had to return to Charlotte twice in the last three weeks to find our future home and everyone there is welcoming us back with open arms! It's comforting and scary all at the same time. I was even roped into working one night while I was back. It was surreal. People were welcoming me back, asking if I was back permanently, trying to book me for more work the following week. At the time, I still had about two months before I was supposed to move!

I'm still not able to be fully comfortable with the move. I'm trying to relish my time in Brooklyn before I'm permanently in Charlotte. I felt like my time as a Brooklynite was already being taken away from me. Brooklyn has been my home for the past 5 years. I love it here! I want to make the best of every day I have left. So much of my time is already being taken by packing and preparing for the move, please don't take more of it away from me!

I know I sound like a shitty asshole complaining about people being happy to have me back in Charlotte. I'm grateful! I truly am! Having all of my friends welcome me home is definitely going to make my transition back to Charlotte that much easier. Just let me have my binkie. Let me hold onto it for just a bit longer. In five weeks, you can take it away and put it in a box in the attic. When I get really sad, just bring it out for a weekend and let me hold it, then it can go back up. But for now, I just want my binkie. I promise to take care of it. I promise not to forget it or leave it behind or let it get dirty (well, any dirtier than it already is...).