My Friend, Walker.

Growing up I had a friend, Walker. Looking back on our relationship, I use the term "friend" quite loosely. When we first met things were great. We got along well. We enjoyed each others company. Sure we had our disagreements, just like all friendships do. He could be a bit extreme sometimes and I would think, "Do I really want to continue this friendship with Walker?"

It was kind of weird building up to that. It was a gradual change in him. Maybe it was me. Maybe I had matured faster and just expected more out of that friendship. But the constant let-downs really started getting under my skin.

In the beginning he seemed like a genuine guy. Maybe he was a bit fake every now and then, but I guess we can all get that way from time to time. But as the years went on, I believed less and less about him. He became hokey. He would tell me one thing and do another. I kept him around because I felt invested in him. I don't believe he ever intentionally tried to piss me off, he just got lazy about our friendship. He also has to do this fake southern accent. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it's atrocious!

This past year, all of his friends and I went out for his 6 and half year anniversary of bringing us all together. I know, what a weird thing to celebrate! As usual, Walker was the center of attention. But something was off for me. Everyone else seemed to love his antics and even touted this night as the "best night of Walker, ever!" I bit my tongue and looked on in amazement! Had Walker actually fooled all of his loyal followers into believing in anything he did? He was like a politician telling us one thing to get elected and then doing none of what he promised!

For those of you who know him, Walker is not one to shy away from drama! I've seen him make people cry. I've seen him play games with peoples' emotions. He's even somehow been able to almost lose large groups of friends only to string them along just long enough to rope them back in. And this seems to be his biggest game. Time and again I feel like I just want to walk away from him and never look back, but something about him keeps me there.

This past Sunday I was out with Walker and his entourage. He was back in the spotlight. We were doing our thing as we always did. He went off on tangents, kinda typical for Walker. And I felt it happening again. I was back on that string. But this time, I saw the knot coming undone.

I was already out, so there was really no point in leaving that night. I sat through his excruciatingly boring antics: a thread of false anticipation lazily laced together late into the night. And in the end, he gave me nothing. I looked around the room and saw people on the edge of their seats as I sat back comfortably not buying into his bullshit.

I left, unfulfilled. I wasn't mad. I was disappointed. I don't feel like Walker owed me a better ending to my night. I felt like he wasted my night. I felt like he found me sitting there watching him and stopped for just a moment to lock eyes with me and let me know that he was going to do whatever he damn well pleased and that he no longer gave a shit about how I felt. This moment could have lasted a mere moment, but it felt like years.

Walker is away for several months. He'll be back. and I'm sure when he returns, I'll be there. But I'm skeptical. And it's only a matter of time before he pushes me away for good. I hope dies and leaves me with better memories before that happens.